*DND* - Angry mode

I am angry. Very angry.

He did something I did not expect a person of his age to do so. He did doodles on a group picture of me. (he drew a circle around my face and wrote ‘Perfect circle’) When I first saw it, thinking that it was kinda funny, I actually gave out a laugh… (Recalling that, I would have given a person with that reaction a tight slap now..) Treating it as a harmless joke, I decided to let it pass…

Out of mischief, I confronted him about the photo, only to realize that he had distributed the picture to a couple of other people, behind my back. (he was shocked to know that I had seen a copy of the photo and demanded to know who sent it to me…) I am offended. It seemed to me that this joke of me is meant to be a ‘behind my back’ joke. If this is meant to be a joke directed at me, just shoot it at my face, not spread it behind my back! So, if one of my pals didn’t send it to me, it’ll be a silent joke for the rest of my life? This is something I cannot forgive.

Now I may know how others feel when others ridicule them behind their backs… It hurts awfully… it does…

Yeah, indeed, I can take jokes, but I do have my own limits. Want to degrade me? Do it at my face, I’ll happily laugh it off with you. But if it’s done so behind my back, I'll treat it as back-stabbing. I am not a gracious saint, I do not forgive or forget easily (thus I am not intending to let the matter rest as it is…), not to mention that it hurts. I have self-esteem… I may not be the skinnest or prettiest girl around but I’ve lost some weight and WAS proud of it… Now, I am NOT. I am beginning to resent myself, hate myself...

Another part that hurts me is that… the very photo was taken using my own camera and I sent the pictures to others thinking that they may want it.. Now, I hate it! I hate my own kindness, I hate the time I spent in editing the photos to send it to others! I hate all the rubbish effort I put in only to get myself ridicule! Most importantly….I hate YOU!

I am angry now, and I am intending to be angry for a while…

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year.

Actually, there’s nothing much to be happy about… Firstly, the tsunamis death toll seems to be increasing endlessly from a mere thousand to over a hundred thousand. It’s saddening to think how insignificant the loss of one life is as compared to the deaths of 150, 000 people. Although it is heart warming to know that people all around the world are stepping forward, contributing to the tsunamis funds and providing aid, I can’t help but wonder how much of those money will seriously reach those in needs. (Especially when the worst hit countries have always had a bad reputation for corruption…) Furthermore, the ugliest side of mankind always seem to surface in times of difficulties and crisis… People are actually robbing rations and hooting abandoned houses. It’s totally disgusting. Why can’t people unite for once and ‘let their powers combine’ in fixing a half-wrecked nation? Why do people always act so childishly during times as such… don’t they have brains?!~ crap!

Secondly… I’m 21 this year! Sigh.. last year, I hit big 2… this year, I hit BIG 2 + 1… At this rate, I’m gonna be 30 before I can even count to 3! This is bad… I’m already missing my teens days. All the school uniform.. the complaints about being unable to catch a RA film, unable to drive and stuff.. and now, I’m hating my age. Can’t believe I’m going to waste my prime years in school… trying to study and slog my way through. This is rubbish~ I want to do better things than this! I want to travel, have fun, be wild and fool around! Not stay in school, zapping notes, yawning at lectures or sleeping in library! But be realistic… I ain’t no rich kid, can’t afford to do all the dreams and stuff… so.. get real…

I’m 21 and I’m hating it….